Tonight I will try journaling here instead of on paper. Have difficulty expressing myself openly period I guess, more so when it’s done publicly.
Lots of emotions today. A death in the family last week contributes to, but is not solely responsible for the emotions. Several long-term situations which are beyond my control contribute, but are not solely responsible for them either. Bottom line, God is in control, and the emotional state is mine to control by His Strength and Grace.
That’s the first line of defense, admitting responsibility. (So glad SpellCheck was invented before I hit my declining years 🙂 ) So I am now willing to take responsibility for my own emotional state, regardless of the intervening circumstances.
It is my responsibility to control my person, to willingly surrender that control to God my Father, and His Son Jesus Christ, my Savior and LORD.
But that does not take away the emotions, nor does it fix the situations in which I find myself, nor does it make any promises, other than constant Divine protection from One Who sees all, Knows all, and has the ability to do all; the promise of Divine Strength to go through the circumstances, and the promise of intercessory prayer on my behalf before the Throne of God’s Grace, and the promise of sufficient Grace for every need in every situation.
Then why do I continue to want what I do not have, to whine about what I do have? Because I am looking at the things which I can see, not the things which I cannot see. I am focusing on the wrong things. Were I to look at the eternal weight of Glory which is mine, I would not complain.
Tonight when I was thinking on some of these things, the hymn “The Way of the Cross Leads Home” came to mind. Of course, you can probably guess, I was thinking of me carrying my cross, focusing on “poor me”.
As I was looking it up in my hymn history book, I first noticed three hymns by Charles A. Tindley.
Asking God to take my self-righteous thinking and guide it with His own is a legitimate way to pray. It doesn’t make my day easier, but it ensures that I at least have the opportunity to learn what God desires to teach me. So much of the very best that God has taught me has come from the deepest, darkest depths of my feelings, from which He has raised me into a new understanding of my relationship to Him, and of Who He Is.
“It is because of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness.” Lam. 3:22,23 Thank You, Father, for each Fresh Start.